If I Make it through Tonight

Do you ever feel like hiding, or just being alone?

Like in a cave or forest, never to be shown,

Or laying out on the beach, never to be seen,

Or in the mountains, looking over everything that’s green.

Will they miss me when I leave, or notice that I am gone?

Will they keep living regular lives, or will the preacher lead a song?

Do I even need to go somewhere for them not to notice me?

I can be in full sight, and be treated invisibly.

Who will notice that I’m missing?

Who will call out my name?

Are they wrong for not seeing me? Or, maybe I’m to blame.

Who will rescue me from darkness?

Who will pull me from the shadows?

Who will protect my heart and mind from completely getting swallowed?

Where do I go from here? As if you’d have to ask..

Will I seek out therapy, or pray to Jesus in mass?

Am I worth a prayer or a hope, or am I wasting precious air?

Am I a work in progress? Are my feelings unfair?

How am I supposed to breathe, when I just wanna hold my breath?

How am I supposed to live, when all I think about is death?

So bury me in white, because it makes me feel girly,

Dress me up nice, and make my hair curly,

Say nice things to my family, even if you don’t mean it,

And say my name out loud, even if there is no reason….

Maybe since u can’t love me now, you’ll love me in the next life,

And I won’t get overlooked, and my heart will be right.

Or, you could remember me now, and check on me sometimes,

Know that all it takes is Compassion,

Love, Care, and Time.

So good night world, and nice to meet you moon,

Don’t cry for me now, for I will see you soon.

Maybe in my dreams,

Or in this life,

Or out of this world,

But for now sleep tight…

I hear the birds chirping,

I see the sun,

I smell sweets,

Like cinnamon buns,

I hop out the shower,

Can’t wait to go to work,

Sorry about yesterday,

I was being jerk..

Today, I’m better,

Yeah, I’m doing fine..

If I said that I’m sad,

I’d totally be lying,

I made it through the night,

And all of the pain,

I promise you today,

Will not be the same,

I’ll laugh and joke,

I’ll eat some food,

And I’ll make sure all interactions are peaceful because I’m in a good mood,

I’m chipper, happy, and feeling content,

I have people that love me,

And they are heaven sent,

My spirit is up,

I have no complaints,

I’m feeling beautiful,

& feeling okay.

I can’t stop my giggles,

And it feels so good,

I’ll call up my friends, so we can get some food,

Then I’ll go home,

and watch some TV,

All my shows will be on,

and I’ll have a glass of spiked tea,

Then I’ll go to bed,

After thanking God for my day,

And I’ll have weird dreams,

In a colorful way,

I’ll go to sleep happy,

Finally at peace,

and I’ll be thinking,

“See there’s nothing wrong with me.”

Until the next day when the darkness comes back

And I feel like my brain will be under attack….

Then I’m sad again, wondering if life is worth living again,

And I’ll go through the motions, praying for strength,

I’ll shut down, and battle my demons within.

I want to be a mentor, a sister, a friend…

I never want to feel how I felt yesterday again.

But I can’t help it, it’s in my DNA,

I don’t do it on purpose, I want to be great.

I don’t want to feel down or depressed… I can’t!

But what if this is me?

Everyday is different, it’s up and it’s down,

I can start on cloud nine, and end 6 feet underground…

So today I’ll try to laugh and dance, and stay in the light,

And I’ll keep praying that my soul will be alright.

I want to live long, and be happy with my life,

I’ll try again tomorrow,

If I make it through tonight.

For anyone who has ever struggled with depression, anxiety, and any forms of mental health. You are not alone, and you’ve got this!

Written by: Mya Grace


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